Provide `PYBIND11_NO_ASSERT_GIL_HELD_INCREF_DECREF` as an option (#4753)

* Remove GIL checks

* Update common.h

* Add flag

* style: pre-commit fixes

* Update pytypes.h

* style: pre-commit fixes

* Update common.h

* style: pre-commit fixes

* Update pytypes.h

* style: pre-commit fixes

* Update common.h

* style: pre-commit fixes

---------

Co-authored-by: pre-commit-ci[bot] <66853113+pre-commit-ci[bot]@users.noreply.github.com>

include/pybind11/detail/common.h

@@ -324,8 +324,8 @@ PYBIND11_WARNING_POP
 #endif
 
 // See description of PR #4246:
-#if !defined(NDEBUG) && !defined(PY_ASSERT_GIL_HELD_INCREF_DECREF) && !defined(PYPY_VERSION)      \
-    && !defined(PYBIND11_ASSERT_GIL_HELD_INCREF_DECREF)
+#if !defined(PYBIND11_NO_ASSERT_GIL_HELD_INCREF_DECREF) && !defined(NDEBUG)                       \
+    && !defined(PYPY_VERSION) && !defined(PYBIND11_ASSERT_GIL_HELD_INCREF_DECREF)
 #    define PYBIND11_ASSERT_GIL_HELD_INCREF_DECREF
 #endif
 

include/pybind11/pytypes.h

@@ -303,7 +303,12 @@ private:
             stderr,
             "%s is being called while the GIL is either not held or invalid. Please see "
             "https://pybind11.readthedocs.io/en/stable/advanced/"
-            "misc.html#common-sources-of-global-interpreter-lock-errors for debugging advice.\n",
+            "misc.html#common-sources-of-global-interpreter-lock-errors for debugging advice.\n"
+            "If you are convinced there is no bug in your code, you can #define "
+            "PYBIND11_NO_ASSERT_GIL_HELD_INCREF_DECREF"
+            "to disable this check. In that case you have to ensure this #define is consistently "
+            "used for all translation units linked into a given pybind11 extension, otherwise "
+            "there will be ODR violations.",
             function_name.c_str());
         fflush(stderr);
         if (Py_TYPE(m_ptr)->tp_name != nullptr) {