Motivation: mitigate linker input size increase from swisstable optimizations.

Note: the changes in raw_hash_set.h are fixing build errors that happened when adding the explicit instantiations. The change in unchecked_deref is because set iterators have const reference access whereas map iterators have mutable reference access and the function is never actually called for sets (it's used in raw_hash_map) so it wasn't needed before. I'm not sure why the soo_slot/soo_iterator problems didn't cause compile errors earlier.
PiperOrigin-RevId: 615174043
Change-Id: Iac5eb2332a76e9b70021156fbb2b8def47a5391d